Life has been hard for Sangita, for she’s been raped when she’s thirteen by an older friend of her brother. The boy who assaulted Sangita told her nobody would marry her because she’s not a virgin anymore, and she didn’t speak about the assault to her parents because she’s afraid. She felt guilt and shame.
The sexual assaults continued for six months due to fear. Sangita blamed herself, “How could this happen to me and, how did my life become like this?”
Eventually, her parents realized the two were having sex and confronted them. Sangita told them the story, but they believed the boy who said their sexual encounters were consensual. Sangita expressed, “I felt betrayed. The people who celebrated my birthday every year are not who they say they are. I felt like I couldn’t trust anybody, that it was all a sham.”
Sangita’s mother left her spouse and took their kids away from the abuse, but Sangita still feels the pain. She said, “The biggest one was the nightmares and the flashbacks. When it came out, it was traumatic and terrible. And there was no one for me to talk to or go to.”
She begins cutting herself at 14. She stated, “I was like impure, unworthy and like unholy. I hated myself. I hated what happened to me, and I couldn’t change it. I didn’t even think God would want me.”
Sangita discovered marijuana through a friend and coped her daily pain by using it. She left home and realized she could have shelter and drugs in exchange for sex. She hopped drug houses for the next decade, and she felt there’s no future for her.
She said, “Well, my life is wasted. There’s nothing to live for, so I might as well do drugs. And if people are going to rape me anyway, I might as well make money off of it.” Sangita wanted to kill herself due to her PTSD episodes and consistent drug abuse.
Sangita stated, “My mental health was deteriorating to a point where I was in and out of the hospital, in the psychiatric ward. So I got to a point where I felt like I was nearing death, and actually like killing myself.” She might have killed herself if not for the voice inside her telling her not to do it.
She said, “I had a small spark of hope that one day I would be talking to people about sexual abuse, trauma, and addiction. That, there’s more to this life than what I’m living in and that I don’t have to live this way. I just felt stuck, and I didn’t know how to get out.”
Then one late night in September 2012, she was at the house of her boyfriend watching YouTube when a video grabbed her attention. It’s about a boy who died and went to heaven because of Jesus.
Sangita expressed, “I had tears just falling down my face, and I was listening to every single word that was being said. There was Gordon Robertson, and he talked about ‘If you think God hates you or He’s angry at you, I’m here to tell you that the Lord loves you so much that He gave his one and only son.'”
Gordon Robertson said in the video, “And He reaches down to you where you are, He loves you where you are for who you are. And He loves you so much He won’t leave you there. He wants to change you so that you can be with Him.”
Sangita felt no shame and condemnation for the first time, and it was because of the Lord’s forgiveness and love. She sincerely prayed and feel satisfied and safe.
She went to a woman’s clinic so she can recover from drug addiction. She also started to see a Christian counselor, where she learned more about the Bible and Jesus. The counselor helped her accept her past.
Sangita’s life has changed, and her mother and other relatives converted to Christianity from being Hindus. Sangita continues to help people who have experienced abuses and drug problems to become closer to Christ.
She said, “Jesus has given me life. He’s given me an identity, which means that I’m no longer rejected. I’m His beloved child and that He will never leave me or forsake me.”